As 2007 comes to a close, I think about what I have done this year. There are many things I could say. This year has been a year of growth for me. I have had my faith tested in many different ways. I feel that this year Christ was, for lack of a better word, testing me to see if I would seek Him even when things weren’t working out how I thought they should. There were times when I could not feel the presence of God at all. I must admit that it was hard to put my faith in someone that I could not feel. I however, decided that that is what my faith is. It is belief in someone unseen in the natural. I found it hard to deny the fact that God was distant even in those times. He comforted me in ways that I can’t even describe to you. He allowed “Jesus with skin on” to help push me forward. When I least expected it, someone would “call me out” or have just the right encouraging words to say to me when they had no idea what I was going through.
It has also been a year of testing of my trust in Christ. Being 29 and single you start to wonder “okay God…when is it my turn”. I have to state that I did take some situations into my own hands only to find out that it wasn’t the right time or the right person depending on the situation. I can only come to grips with the fact that no matter where I am, no matter what I am doing, that if I am in God’s will for my life and actively seeking Him, then He is in control. I am still in the process of learning to trust Him with things that are very near and dear to my heart. It’s funny how as humans we can trust God with big things but when its a heart issue we hold onto to the problem with white knuckles. After much praying and crying I can with a truthful heart say that I will love Him no matter what He sees fit for my life. That kind of sacrifice is the toughest for me because I want to be in control and want instant gratification.
I am looking forward to starting a new year with some new intentions. I want to be more intentional with my relationships with those near me. I want to be a person of the up-most integrity. Integrity has always been something I strived for but sometimes fell very short. I want to keep on the path of pursuing that integrity that I know is possible with Christ’s help. I want to be so in-tune with the voice of God that we have conversations all day long like He is my best friends sitting right next to me. I look forward to starting fresh and living out a life that is pleasing to my Lord. If there is one thing I could ask from you would be prayer as I am still in the refining process of my life. I am in the wilderness being prepared and I am excited to see what God will do with my willing heart.
