I am nearing the end of a program called Living Well that I have been involved with for the last 3 years.  It has been an awesome eye opening experience.  I can’t even begin to describe the things I have learned about myself as in the way I act, my personality, my emotional healing process, and how to have healthy Godly relationships with boundaries.  Last night, we had a talk on humility.  I thought what a nice topic to have as one of our last classes.  I’m sure that I don’t have a ton of struggles with pride.  Wow…I was hit right between the eyes.  I have very little..when I say very little I mean very little humility with a ton to learn and grow in terms of humility in the arena of a servant leader.  Humility is being free of pride or unassuming being a servant unto the Lord for His glory with no glory of my own.  Humility is also an attitude of submission.  In order to have true humility, it starts with an accurate self image.  I have to know who I am in the eyes of Christ.  I have to know that my worth has already been established with what Jesus did on the cross.  In order to fulfill my life’s purpose that the Lord has placed me here for, I have to come to the realization that the task that has been set before me is more important than me.  The Lord’s will will be done,  but not as precisely if I am seeking any glory for myself.  Humility doesn’t mean that I lack confidence, just arrogance.  I need Christ- centered confidence,  this coming from knowing who I am in Christ.  The lecture last night gave 7 ways to test humility.  1- ability to let go of control.  2- ability to ask for help.  3- having no sense of entitlement.  4- having a clear understanding of my righteousness that has been given through Christ.  5-transparency.  6-obedience  7- serving out of Love and not fear.  I can definitely say that I fail at most of these tests.  With coming to the realization of my purpose in life, I want to have humility to be able to give God the glory and take none for my own.   The one thing I came to see in myself was I am afraid.  I am afraid that my mission in life won’t seem huge.  That the plan for my life won’t be “big” in the eyes of anyone.  With that said, my heart was pricked to realize that if I am serving in submission to the Lord, I will be satisfied. I will have a purpose no matter how small it seems to some it will be huge to me.  I want to be in God’s will and do the work he has set out before me with a humble heart and attitude.  My prayer is that the Lord will begin to show me where I need to be humbled and give me an opportunity to walk it out. “ Lord please help me to walk out my destiny with a servant’s heart with ability to let go of the reigns.  I want more of You and less of me”   If you think of me in the next few days please pray for me.  I truly want to be right in the middle of what God has for me. 

life is so pointless

i don’t even know

when i am living

the time passes

i do nothing

its another day

another night

another day

i have done nothing

nothing that really matters

when will i start living

when will i not fear

time pass by

life is so short

many things

i want to do

fear keeps me bound

i see it in my dream

what my life should be

my life has got to change

its time to live

no more fear