Thanksgiving Time with Family

Holidays for my family, particularly Thanksgiving and Christmas the last few years have been very rough on my family.  My niece was born 4 years ago 1 day before Thanksgiving with the valves  crossed going to her heart.   She had to undergo open heart surgery.  She was in the Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital for a month in Nashville Tenn.  The doctors realized there wasn’t anything that could be done and on Christmas Eve the same year my brother and his wife had to take her off of life support.  If that wasn’t enough, last year on Thanksgiving day my grandmother died  in Hospice due to a brain injury she had from a fall in the local hospital. 

This was the first year my entire family was in town at my parents for Thanksgiving. We started a new tradition. As cheesy as it sounds, we all went around the room and said what we were thankful for.  My nephew said his family and his new classmate Cole.  My brothers said their family and God.  My niece said her family’s unconditional love.  It came my turn and I has a lump n my throat.  You see, I have been going through recovery and have realized that I have been angry with my family for not being perfect.  I expected a perfect upbringing with perfect members.  I realize now that nobody gets the perfect home life.  I have come to a place of acceptance and realization that my family members are only human just as I am.  I felt the urge to tell my entire family in that circle that I was thankful for them and that I was sorry for being a jerk and expecting perfection.  It was liberating.  I am thankful for my family and love them where they are just as they love me where I am.  Thank God for revaltion!

Why…why do I have such crazy dreams?

The last few weeks, I have been having some really crazy dreams.  Some of the dreams are funny, some strange, some really scary, and some very realistic.  Let me tell you about this retarded one I had last night. 

I am in a recovery program called Living Well.  It deals with my past, the root of the problems(control, fear, co-dependency…),  and then spiritual maturity.  Well my dream took place in my group at Living well.  My mom, dad, and old mentor, and another girl I knew from way back were all in my group.  This is odd because none of these people would EVER be in my group, but they were all from my past.  It was my time to do my life story and I began reading what was supposed to be all about my life from my perspective.  I was reading what turned out to be this long report on Calvinism,  Catholicism, and who knows what else.  I burst out crying when it hit me that this story was not about me at all.  I still had shame of my past.  I didn’t mind the new people in my life that knew me as the God fearing person I strive to be hearing my story.  I just didn’t want the people from my past hearing all the things that had been done in secret, especially my parents.  This is where the dream gets comical.  My facilitator was trying to reassure me that I needed to get all this out when my dad walked up to me and said….”have you checked on Weeza?(my boston terrier)”  I had no idea what he was talking about.  Then he said, “Justin Timberlake shot her…she’s at the vet’s office.”  I jumped up and ran out to call and check on her. 

I have no idea at all what the dog  part of the dream meant.  However, I think that God is trying to reveal things to me in my dreams.  Not all my dreams are spiritual, but I believe with all of my heart some are spiritual.  I know I tend to be busy and don’t hear God’s voice.  He  may just have to speak to me when I am still and asleep.  I now realize that I am still dealing with some shame from my past.  However, the fear I did have at one time to face it and deal with it is not there.  I want to be completely free!!  I want to live that life of ABUNDANCE that God has promised.  I want to live in Canaan!

Family Reunion

This past Sunday I went to my family reunion.  Just like any other, there were people there I had no idea who they were.  I ate a bunch of good ole’ home cooking, loved on  the horses, and visited with family I hadn’t seen in a long time.  My cousins, aunts, uncle, great aunts, great uncle, second cousins, and who ever else is kin to me are all “Christians”.  I use to love saying that I came from a God fearing family, but this past reunion made me realize that I am different than the rest of my family.  I’m not judging their faith,  but I saw things that were not of the Lord.  I realize that everyone slips especially around family.  However, I was actually criticized for being late because I went to church.  I think most of my country kin folk think that God is just a Sunday activity.  It makes my heart hurt when I think about all they are missing out on by not going hard after Jesus.  Being different isn’t always easy, but its definitely worth it.  I just wish they knew the Lord that I know.  He is my savior, redeemer, comforter, friend, master, with a list that could on and on….