just another day

Love..love is not something to be taken lightly. It can cost you more than you are willing to give or more than you realize you have given. It can be blind…blind to the fact of what price you may have to pay. I have recently realized that I paid entirely too much and got not much in return. What I was repaid was a big mess and BIG HEARTACHE. I don’t want you to think that I am being cynical because I do think there is TRUE love. Im talking about the kind of love we settle for thinking it is in fact real love. For me it is hard to tell the difference between God given love between man and woman and a love that we create and dream up. The possibilty of maybe its love. Wondering if the guy is going to love you back or if what he is saying is really how he is feeling. I put my heart out there and it was not returned. Unrequited love is what I am talking about. It’s hard. I was vulnerable, confusing, and I guess naive. However, I think what grieves my heart the most is the part where I compromised. I don’t mean physically…but emotionally and in my relationship with the Lord….the one that ALWAYS has loved me and will ALWAYS love me. I put Him in a box and wouldn’t or couldn’t trust Him to meet my needs. It all comes back to fear. I am scared that God won’t meet my needs and give me the desires of my heart. I am scared to be alone. But the truth is, I am not alone. God is with me to comfort me and love me. If I could truly embrace this and get it from my head to my heart I would be satisfied in Him.

“Lord, grant my the serenity to accepet the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Give me a changed heart that wants nothing more than to worship and follow hard after you. Give my the courage to step out and say you are all I need and you will fulfill your promises and meet my needs. Teach me to trust you. Let your holy fire burn up everything that is wrong thinking about you and teach me your truths. Confirm in me the love that I once knew.”

Its hard to realize that you’ve “cheated” on God. I am married to him, but my eyes wondered to another lover that I thought could satisfy me more than Him. I want to be first in love with Christ and then my mate in second place. I am so thankful that God allowed this to happen in my life to bring me back to Him. Jesus be the lover of my soul! Amen ,Amen and Amen

Emotional sex sounds so ridiculous. However there are many times in my life as a single woman that I have found myself enjoying emotional sex. As a woman, we want a man to share every detail of their life, their hopes, dreams, fears, and concerns. I eat them up just as I would with physical sex. I, to be honest, eat up the emotional connection even more.

Emotional sex is when a man shares all his heart with a woman, and listens to all that a woman shares from her innermost secret places in her heart. The bond or soul tie that forms when we do this is just as bad if not worse than when we have sex outside of marriage. Being a woman that has experienced both, I  had a hard time coming to understand the emotional bond. I could easily recognize the bond that was formed when I had a physical sex with someone. I thought that when I had sex with a man he would know that I loved him, its what he wanted.

It wasn’t until after many nights of praying and wondering why I was so bonded to these men, it slapped me in the face. Emotional sex!! I had shared my innermost heart and thoughts with these men, bonding me to them. I had wanted their advice and their approval. Since realizing this, I have tried to avoid sharing things from the deepest part of my heart. I want to save that for marriage. I want to be a pure and white bride, a virgin if you will, when it comes to emotional sex when I meet my husband.  However, there comes a time when you won’t be the one sharing and its the guy that’s sharing all his inner most hopes and dreams.  This is rare, but its out there.  Half the victory is knowing where your boundaries lie.  Know ahead of time what your boundaries are in conversation with the opposite sex.  There has to be some sort of sharing in dating to form a relationship.  I fully believe that God intended for us to be open and honest in communication with one another.  However, I fully believe that He also intended for us to guard our hearts. 

I was recently asked how to undo emotional sex strings.  What a loaded question.  My answer was simply this.  Decide that you want to break these strings. Next, set up boundaries in the relationship, and finally be in relationship with the same sex for mentoring or accountability.  Emotional attachment is hard to recognize.  I just have one question for you…are you wearing your emotional condom?