just another day

I was in a group last night talking about prophesy, about the prophetic still being alive and in the works today.  I must say that there has been a lot of things said to me in the prophetic sense that I have been very sketchy about.  I do believe that the Lord can use someone as a mouthpiece to correct, edify, or comfort someone. I believe in the supernatural power of the Lord.  I believe that these are true and worthwhile of sharing with you. I was just wondering what your beliefs were on this subject.  We are called to test the prophesy by truth.  Here are a few guidelines to go by:1. What is the fruit of the life of the prophet.2. Does the prophesy glorify God.3. Does the prophesy agree or line up with the scriptures.4. Is the prophesy fulfilled.5. Is the prophesy  confusing or disjointed.6. Does the prophesy produce liberty or bondage.7. Does the prophesy bear witness with our spirits. Why a prophesy is important:1. Brings life.2. Gives spiritual vision3. Edifies or comforts4. Brings revival or restoration5. Guides you where one needs to go in Christ. Now, I didn’t come up with this information on my own by any means.  It came from a ministry that I am a part.  I wanted to know what your thoughts are about it.  Do you still believe that a prophesy is for today?  Do you believe that there are prophets? 

Its amazing me to me much I can let fear of failure paralyze me.  I thought that I had worked through this fear, and for the most part I have.   I have spent the last 3 years really examining my life and the reasons why I do the things I do.  Upon starting back at college, I never dreamt it would be this demanding.  I had two tests back to back on a couple of Tuesdays ago.  Its was Abnormal Psychology and Anthropology.  I studied nonstop. I studied days before, the night before, the morning before, and crammed right before these tests. I nailed the Anthropology test with a grade of an A.  I didn’t get by so well on the other receiving a C, but I’m happy with it because it was a stinkin’ hard test.  Multiple essays.  Graduate type work.  I say all this to say I was not happy at first with my grades.  I wanted perfection.  I wanted to ace each of them.  I realize the anxiousness I was experiencing before was in fact my fear of failure. This fear can creep into other areas of my life.  It can creep into relationships, holding me back from really experiencing the best that a relationship can offer.   I can experience the fear of failure in my spiritual life.  Fearing that I may not ever quite measure up or fail at a relationship that is so freely given to me.  One that has absolutely no strings attached.  I have to stop and tell myself truth…truth that states that I am not a failure.  I do try my best and with trying my best, it will be enough.  If doing my best honors God, then why is it not enough for me.  That’s just pride, making my best not good enough for me but it’s been said by the Lord himself that my best is good enough for Him.  in fact it honors Him. I am beginning to get the fact that everything my hand touches doesn’t have to turn to gold, just that I need to approach these tasks as a gold maker.  I need do my very best and it will be enough.   That’s it!  Try my best and it will be enough! 

Its funny to me how I assume that God is not speaking to me.  I feel as though I lead a one sided conversation with Him.  I talk and talk, never to hear a reply form the Lord.  I must first say that I have had encounters with the living God where He has spoken quite clearly to me in a still small voice.  Its just recently, I have been hearing nothing.  I just finished reading in Hosea about Israel “whoring” against the Lord.  I myself am that whore.  I know that I have put many things and my own ambitions in the place of God, an idol if you will.  After all this, I still would wonder why I didn’t hear what He was saying.  I took some time tonight just sitting after asking the Lord to speak to me.  I was quiet and unoccupied.  I made an effort to be still and not think.  If  you know me at all, you know it was extremely hard for me to do.  I had asked the Lord to forgive me of whoring and having the idols of my desires, my plans, and well my stubbornness.  I sat.  I waited.  He spoke.  It was a gentle correction, but He indeed spoke.  It hit me hard because it was so simple, yet so complex.  He said all I have do is be obedient.  Obedience keeps us from whoring.  Pretty simple right?  How about complication in a simple term.  However, all I have to do is be obedient.  That’s an easier list to look at than a long list of things I need to do and things I can’t.  I would much rather have a simple “to do list” that reads: 1. Be Obedient.  That’s all that’s on my list everyday. I guess I must say that I am stoked and relieved that the Lord spoke to me even if it was gentle correction.  I realize that I am so busy talking, that I REALLY don’t listen. Be still. 

As 2007 comes to a close, I think about what I have done this year.  There are many things I could say.  This year has been a year of growth for me.  I have had my faith tested in many different ways.  I feel that this year Christ was, for lack of a better word, testing me to see if I would seek Him even when things weren’t working out how I thought they should.  There were times when I could not feel the presence of God at all.  I must admit that it was hard to put my faith in someone that I could not feel.  I however, decided that that is what my faith is.  It is belief in someone unseen in the natural.  I found it hard to deny the fact that God was distant even in those times.  He comforted me in ways that I can’t even describe to you.  He allowed “Jesus with skin on” to help push me forward.  When I least expected it, someone would “call me out” or have just the right encouraging words to say to me when they had no idea what I was going through. 

It has also been a year of testing of my trust in Christ.  Being 29 and single you start to wonder “okay God…when is it my turn”.  I have to state that I did take some situations into my own hands only to find out that it wasn’t the right time or the right person depending on the situation. I can only come to grips with the fact that no matter where I am, no matter what I am doing, that if I am in God’s will for my life and actively seeking Him, then He is in control.  I am still in the process of learning to trust Him with things that are very near and dear to my heart.  It’s funny how as humans we can trust God with big things but when its a heart issue we hold onto to the problem with white knuckles.  After much praying and crying I can with a truthful heart say that I will love Him no matter what He sees fit for my life. That kind of sacrifice is the toughest for me because I want to be in control and want instant gratification. 

I am looking forward to starting a new year with some new intentions.  I want to be more intentional with my relationships with those near me.  I want to be a person of the up-most integrity.  Integrity has always been something I strived for but sometimes fell very short.  I want to keep on the path of pursuing that integrity that I know is possible with Christ’s help.  I want to be so in-tune with the voice of God that we have conversations all day long like He is my best friends sitting right  next to me.  I look forward to starting fresh and living out a life that is pleasing to my Lord.  If there is one thing I could ask from you would be prayer as I am still in the refining process of my life.  I am in the wilderness being prepared and I am excited to see what God will do with my willing heart.

Love..love is not something to be taken lightly. It can cost you more than you are willing to give or more than you realize you have given. It can be blind…blind to the fact of what price you may have to pay. I have recently realized that I paid entirely too much and got not much in return. What I was repaid was a big mess and BIG HEARTACHE. I don’t want you to think that I am being cynical because I do think there is TRUE love. Im talking about the kind of love we settle for thinking it is in fact real love. For me it is hard to tell the difference between God given love between man and woman and a love that we create and dream up. The possibilty of maybe its love. Wondering if the guy is going to love you back or if what he is saying is really how he is feeling. I put my heart out there and it was not returned. Unrequited love is what I am talking about. It’s hard. I was vulnerable, confusing, and I guess naive. However, I think what grieves my heart the most is the part where I compromised. I don’t mean physically…but emotionally and in my relationship with the Lord….the one that ALWAYS has loved me and will ALWAYS love me. I put Him in a box and wouldn’t or couldn’t trust Him to meet my needs. It all comes back to fear. I am scared that God won’t meet my needs and give me the desires of my heart. I am scared to be alone. But the truth is, I am not alone. God is with me to comfort me and love me. If I could truly embrace this and get it from my head to my heart I would be satisfied in Him.

“Lord, grant my the serenity to accepet the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Give me a changed heart that wants nothing more than to worship and follow hard after you. Give my the courage to step out and say you are all I need and you will fulfill your promises and meet my needs. Teach me to trust you. Let your holy fire burn up everything that is wrong thinking about you and teach me your truths. Confirm in me the love that I once knew.”

Its hard to realize that you’ve “cheated” on God. I am married to him, but my eyes wondered to another lover that I thought could satisfy me more than Him. I want to be first in love with Christ and then my mate in second place. I am so thankful that God allowed this to happen in my life to bring me back to Him. Jesus be the lover of my soul! Amen ,Amen and Amen

I am involved in a group called Living Well.  Its a recovery ministry that I have been a participant for going on 3 years.  Every year, we get a “word” at our round-up that is mine for that year.  My last word that I recieved was FOUNDATION.  You may think that this  is trivial or meaningless, but to me it has blown me away. 

The third year  is a year of spirituality.  You go through a class and really learn what you believe and the best part is you learn WHY you believe what you believe.  God has really been doing a major work in me that I didn’t know I needed.  My foundation has been rocked.  He is starting to strip me of false beliefs and replacing them with truth.  He is rebuilding me from the foundation up. 

I am the girl that grew up in church, listened to multiple sermons, and went to Sunday School.  Yet, I never knew why I believed the things I believed.  I am so thankful that God has put me on this road of questioning, doubting, and wrestling with Him.  In the end, I feel confident that all I will have is Jesus and NOTHING else.