just another day

Its amazing me to me much I can let fear of failure paralyze me.  I thought that I had worked through this fear, and for the most part I have.   I have spent the last 3 years really examining my life and the reasons why I do the things I do.  Upon starting back at college, I never dreamt it would be this demanding.  I had two tests back to back on a couple of Tuesdays ago.  Its was Abnormal Psychology and Anthropology.  I studied nonstop. I studied days before, the night before, the morning before, and crammed right before these tests. I nailed the Anthropology test with a grade of an A.  I didn’t get by so well on the other receiving a C, but I’m happy with it because it was a stinkin’ hard test.  Multiple essays.  Graduate type work.  I say all this to say I was not happy at first with my grades.  I wanted perfection.  I wanted to ace each of them.  I realize the anxiousness I was experiencing before was in fact my fear of failure. This fear can creep into other areas of my life.  It can creep into relationships, holding me back from really experiencing the best that a relationship can offer.   I can experience the fear of failure in my spiritual life.  Fearing that I may not ever quite measure up or fail at a relationship that is so freely given to me.  One that has absolutely no strings attached.  I have to stop and tell myself truth…truth that states that I am not a failure.  I do try my best and with trying my best, it will be enough.  If doing my best honors God, then why is it not enough for me.  That’s just pride, making my best not good enough for me but it’s been said by the Lord himself that my best is good enough for Him.  in fact it honors Him. I am beginning to get the fact that everything my hand touches doesn’t have to turn to gold, just that I need to approach these tasks as a gold maker.  I need do my very best and it will be enough.   That’s it!  Try my best and it will be enough! 

I haven’t been writing much lately because of my overwhelming schedule of tests and papers due at school.  I got up a 3:45 this morning to finish studying for my back to back tests (Abnormal Psych and Anthropology).  Needless to say it SUCKED!  I am enjoying class but its very tiresome and a ton of work.  I must admit that I haven’t felt smart and bought into that lie.  That’s probably why I studied so much.  I have one of those professors that think nobody has a life and shouldn’t do anything but study.  She talks above everyone’s head and expects you to get all the info the first time.  I know I signed up for this but who knew if would be this hard.  So…I’m gonna take care of myself this afternoon and take a nice nap, then who knows.  

So its me and Kimmy driving to Athens on friday night about 9 pm.  We are headed north on Ga Hwy 441 at approximately 65mph.  As you can see we are kinda bored and wanted to write a blog entry.  Kim has confessed her undying love for Christian Bale, as we have just finished watching 3:10 to Yuma. She actually prefers to see him in Little Women.  Im not really sure why, because he is pretty freakin’ smokin in this movie.  He is entirely hotter in Batman if you ask me.  

We have passed the point in our friendship when road trips require deep meaningful conversations.  One might think that this is a sign that the relationship has no depth.  However, we both agree that the fact that we can sit in silence for a long period of time, means that our friendship is very deep and unique.

Just so you know….I just screamed SHIT because Kimmy just ran a red light in a major intersection.  We could have been killed and this would have been the last thing anyone would have read by either one of us.  Pretty stinkin sad.

I think we are going to stop soon because I have to go…and I need some coffee.  By the way call Shirley in Milledgeville, she can help with all your financial needs. (A billboard we passed) 

I will keep you updated on the trip.  We arrived at Alexa’s house around 11:30.   Time to catch up and get some sleep before a big day of fun and friends.

So…yesterday was my first day of class.  I woke up to sound of my nasty alarm at 5:15 in the morning.  Its probably the earliest I have been up in quite some time.  I drove out my driveway at 6:30 to commute to school in Savannah about an hour away.  My first class was Elementary Spanish.  I had two years of spanish in high school, but that was over 12 years ago.  As soon as the professor walked in she started speaking in spanish.  I had no clue what she was saying.  Needless to say, I didn’t remember anything as I thought I would have.  As she called roll, she stated that the older students in her class…the 30 and older crowd, might have a harder time catching on than the younger students would.  I thought to myself..  Yep…I’m in the old student category now.  If it wasn’t that comment that made me feel a little over the hill, it was the fact that I was in a classroom full of infants…they were all babies.  I’m also taking Abnormal Psychology and Anthropology. Overall, I am super excited about being back in class.  I realize that I love to learn and just being back in a classroom setting makes me feel right at home.  As nerdy as it sounds, I find myself trying to et the first seat right in front of the professor.  Yes, I’m that girl.