Emotional sex sounds so ridiculous. However there are many times in my life as a single woman that I have found myself enjoying emotional sex. As a woman, we want a man to share every detail of their life, their hopes, dreams, fears, and concerns. I eat them up just as I would with physical sex. I, to be honest, eat up the emotional connection even more.
Emotional sex is when a man shares all his heart with a woman, and listens to all that a woman shares from her innermost secret places in her heart. The bond or soul tie that forms when we do this is just as bad if not worse than when we have sex outside of marriage. Being a woman that has experienced both, I had a hard time coming to understand the emotional bond. I could easily recognize the bond that was formed when I had a physical sex with someone. I thought that when I had sex with a man he would know that I loved him, its what he wanted.
It wasn’t until after many nights of praying and wondering why I was so bonded to these men, it slapped me in the face. Emotional sex!! I had shared my innermost heart and thoughts with these men, bonding me to them. I had wanted their advice and their approval. Since realizing this, I have tried to avoid sharing things from the deepest part of my heart. I want to save that for marriage. I want to be a pure and white bride, a virgin if you will, when it comes to emotional sex when I meet my husband. However, there comes a time when you won’t be the one sharing and its the guy that’s sharing all his inner most hopes and dreams. This is rare, but its out there. Half the victory is knowing where your boundaries lie. Know ahead of time what your boundaries are in conversation with the opposite sex. There has to be some sort of sharing in dating to form a relationship. I fully believe that God intended for us to be open and honest in communication with one another. However, I fully believe that He also intended for us to guard our hearts.
I was recently asked how to undo emotional sex strings. What a loaded question. My answer was simply this. Decide that you want to break these strings. Next, set up boundaries in the relationship, and finally be in relationship with the same sex for mentoring or accountability. Emotional attachment is hard to recognize. I just have one question for you…are you wearing your emotional condom?
oh girl!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can’t tell you the number of conversations i’ve had lately with my single seminary sista’s up here that are ON THIS TOPIC exactly.
oh girl.
see… there you go showing all your wisdom again and it makes me wanna tell you to get on the train to be a counselor or something.
good word.
thanks mandy…lets just say its been a hard road to get to this point…thanks for the encouragement!
Girl, You nailed it! Such a well written, wise word for all of the females out there! I am really loving working with you in the “trenches”!!
Thanks Heather!! I am lovong every minute of working with you too!! I love you!
In the word of Meg Ryan in When Harry met Sally, YES! YES! YES! The only conversations I’m interested in having with men are those sprinkled with salt. I’m definitely wearing an emotional condom.
Hilarous! I love it Hope!
@ Hope- That is awesome! lol I just laughed outloud at your comment!!!
wow boo….
Wow, what an insightful eye opener. I really liked that you mentioned setting up boundaries with the relationship and as I move toward a more healthy me, I would even have the boundaries in place in my mind before the relationship got started. It was good to be reminded again of the need and importance of guarding my heart. Love You!
Thanks for reading my blog laura! Guarding my heart is ALWAYS easier said than done!
That was a very good read, but could you enlighten more on wht the Bible says about destroying emotional sex strings???
Wow thanks for this, I just recently felt so broken and out of control. Clearly I was NOT wearing an emotinoal condom and really got hurt! Worst is the guy still doesnt know how I fetl it took God sending other people my way to clear things up. Now I know the ties that bind must be broken. Wow never knew words matter so much and hurt too.
thanks for the encouragement
Charity, Would you say that there are Kingdom relationships to be had of a spiritual nature that would be with a person of another sex? Or should those relationships for accountability etc. be strictly with persons of the same sex? The reason I ask this is that to me while this line of thought has definate validity there is the extreme of it which would prevent a man from serving on staff with and submitting to a female authority figure in the church environment. To me there may be an element that may need to be added to the equation, that of defining roles. I as a man would not convey all of my heart to another woman than my wife, however I may have a relationship with a person who is a spiritual authority in my life who happens to be a female in which some of those deeper things may be discussed. I am just curious what you or some of the other fellow bloggers would have to say about it.
I definitely whore myself around emotionally.